The amount of conversations revolving around my love life are seemingly endless. I meet people and it takes them all of 5 minutes to ask me why I’m alone. Why I don’t have a man by my side. These little chats have always been a part any given day during my single times, but they have become particularly frequent since I began traveling. Why are people so damn concerned? Everyone wants to offer up encouragement and advice on finding this or that type of guy.
“Stay away from Italian men,” one woman said.
“Wait for the Australian men, girlfriend!” the other proclaimed.
“Spanish men are the best,” says another.
One woman told me “All men in the Netherlands are hot.”
Then there’s always: “Definitely make sure you find a guy who wants to travel with you.”
Okay. Check. Check. Check. Noted.
In addition to all the unsolicited advice. So many women ask questions that imply I’m now a traveling single girl expert. They are curious (and sometimes desperate) asking me “So…where in the world are the best men? You must know now after going to so many countries. I want to find a man and get married and I am willing to go where I need to go!” One nice girl sitting next to me on a plane to Bucharest said these exact words.
They wait intently for a response from me. They hope I can point them in the right direction- give them a shortcut to the testosterone jackpot. Sorry ladies, I’m a little unqualified for that one. All I can do is share my perspective.
My first thought: Is there really a specific country or region pumping out the purest breed of men- as if it’s part of their genetic coding dating back centuries from their national heritage? Um…Doubtful.
And my second: Why are all these women in such frantic search mode? You are really willing to go across the globe just to find a man?
It goes without saying I’m all for traveling across the globe- just not if your sole reason behind it is to find a trophy boyfriend.
My general response to these women: “I am traveling alone because I like it. I go where I want, when I want, however I want. And no, I don’t know where the best men are. In fact, I’m probably more confused now than when I left home.”
What a difference these months of travel have had on my demeanor towards the male sex. Back home I had my mind made up. My former self said regularly: “All men are ass holes. Period.”
I used to be a man hater.
Fast forward 3.5 months, 11 countries and 2 continents later. Imagine my dismay when I was proved totally wrong. Picture the look of confusion on my face when I began meeting quality, high caliber men who wanted nothing more than to be respectful and caring… in every country. Men that open doors, help you with your bags, and make sure you know which train to get on. Men that were protective and chivalrous without any expectations. Men that were actually kind.
So why would I just start seeing this now? At a time when I’m not only very emotionally unavailable but changing locations every few days. Why now?! All I know is this: The universe works in mysterious ways.
Almost everyday I’d keep thinking “What the hell is this?” I felt confused and something else…angry maybe? I hate being wrong. But I have now had my slice of humble pie and will admit it. I was totally wrong. There are…gasp…actual, real-life, nice guys out there- everywhere- and you don’t have to fly across the globe to find them. They are right in your backyard. They are at the grocery store and the metro station and sometimes sitting at the restaurant next to you. They are literally everywhere you go and it’s up to you to open your eyes (and your heart to it).
I think the difference between now and before is that I have opened my mind up to the world of possibilities and in turn the world is showing me more than I ever saw before. While I’m in no place to begin a relationship, I am now full of restored faith in men and know that there are more than just “a few good guys” out there.
So to myself, and all the women wondering why they can’t find a good man, I say this: “First of all, open your eyes (and your mind) and stop believing they’re all bad.”
And to those asking me what country the best men reside in…here is my new answer: “Wherever in the world your heart wants to go. That’s where. Go there. You’ll see.”
Ps. Dear friends in the pictures below: sorry for putting you on blast, but you’re just so damn awesome and I’m grateful we met. Thank you for being you. 😚